Change your life before it sends you a wake up call

 

 

Life can be so easy when you have the right mindset when you do what feels good, and I mean to really have your mind at peace.

Procrastination, laziness, and constantly blaming everyone and everything else for your problems, that doesn’t feel good. Powerlessness is a heavier weight than the size of your real problems.

You’ve probably heard this before, that you are in complete control of your life and you decide where to lead it. I’m here to encourage you to assume control before life hits you in the face because when it does, it hits hard.

My wake up call

It was a regular afternoon, the only difference was that one of my twins was coming out of a flu, I was resting upstairs because I was more tired than usual after a row of sleepless nights.

We heard one of them talking, waiting for his brother to reply, there was no answer, he’s probably still asleep.

They have this thing when one of them wakes up before, he tries to wake the other to play.

But something different happened this time, we heard a gagging sound, not natural, we immediately went running downstairs thinking they could be choking, when I saw my kid my heart stopped: he was having a seizure.

All my previous medical knowledge went off the window, dad grabbed the kid and gave him first aid.

It was a simple febrile seizure, it lasted around 2 minutes, he didn’t have any noticeable symptoms before, his temperature raised too quickly in less than half an hour, and according to me he was healthy, his brother was the one with the flu and I did my best not to have him caught it.

Thankfully it was a random episode. He’s better now, I just have to keep a close eye to the fever.

The guilt

Seeing him like that was the most terrifying experience I had as a mom.

After it was over and he was stable, I was sitting in the hospital waiting room, crying, feeling guilty, because they could’ve had a better immune system if I had given them more fruits and vegetables, and they wouldn’t have caught the flu.

I know I can cook more nutritious food, if I just stop telling myself I’m a terrible cook, I’d have more energy, I could finally get back in shape if I start exercising, now that I have the time.

Ever since I quitted my job I’d been on this toxic hiatus where I didn’t do anything, even though I knew I had the time I wanted to do stuff.

I realized how my voluntary powerlessness was stopping me from living the life I want.

How to take back control of your life?

I was already doing homework to understand how to take back control of my life, but it happens sometimes that we stick to the theory and not really act upon that, even if we are motivated by a book, a speech, a story and truly believe we can do it, we just keep waiting for the right moment.

There’s no right moment, there’s just right now.

Here are the steps I took, and I’m slowly regaining control of my life.

1. Get inspired, read, accept help and guidance

Self-help books are undervalued for many of us, I know that was my case until I really needed help and didn’t want to make such a big deal out of it.

I first looked for motivation to study and stick to good habits and ended up reading a bunch of books that changed my way to see life and my role in this world.

Some of the books that inspired me:

I promise to write a book review and insights from all these books and how they had helped me change my life. If you’ve been thinking about reading any of these, I give you my word they are so worth your time.

They’ve helped me in many different aspects of my life, and I’ve seen unexpected connections between some of them.

If you just read one of these books and start implementing it into your life, you’ll start to see the change. It takes action, to see change.

2. Believe in yourself

There’s nothing crazy about your dreams, when you sincerely listen to your heart the answer to all your problems is in there.

Following your instincts and trusting yourself is an everyday training that will become easier day by day, you’ve got an amazing power inside of you just waiting to emerge.

Connecting with your creative energy is the mindset I was talking about before, I had an eye-opening experience when I was reading The Secret, I have many posts to come around the Law of Attraction and the power lying within all of us.

If you need a little push on this subject, definitely read that book.

3. Stop complaining

Once you’ve taken in the fact that there’s energy surrounding us, and the more you focus on something the more you’ll attract it, it will be easier for you to consciously try and stop the negative thoughts.

You have to realize that you’re hurting yourself with self-doubts, feeling of worthlessness and that toxic self-talk your mind takes on you, complaining about not having enough will set you on the mindset of scarcity and you’ll see it everywhere, and it goes a long way with every complaint you may have.

4. Be grateful for what you have

Instead of focusing your energy on those things you lack, be grateful for the things you do have, it can be as simple as being able to read, break down everything involved in the act of reading right now, and practice this:

  • I’m grateful for my eyes that allow me to see these words.
  • I’m grateful for the education I received that allow me to read.
  • I’m grateful for my hands that are holding my device.
  • I’m grateful for the device I’m using that allows me to connect with the world.

You can try this and go from small to big, there are so many things to be grateful for, and when you start seeing the world through this mindset you’ll find more and more good things appearing in front of you.

4. Make a plan for action

This is probably the most elaborated part of regaining control of your life. You have to decide the route you’ll be taking your life on, why would you want to do it, and how it will improve your future self.

Write down every aspect of the person you want to be and go through your day as that person.

Focus on one aspect of your future self life and make small improvements everyday.

Setting a specific time frame to accomplish determined goals or to acquire a habit will make it easier to follow up through your efforts.

A 12 week period is a good start to see constant changes in your life and make any adjustments necessary to the plan.

Having this in mind I created the “12 Week for a New Me” Habit tracker, a simple design to keep track of up to 6 habits at a time on a weekly basis, there’s a motivational quote or affirmation in every week and a space for you to write your own thoughts. You can get it here, I’d love to hear your feedback!

Have constant reminders of what you are supposed to do, whether they are physical like habit trackers or journals or digital, like a social media account destined to document your journey.

There’s so much more to write about this, but in my next post I’ll be talking about how to create the action plan to take control of your life and start living the life you deserve to have. I hope this first insight was helpful.

Making tough choices as a mom








1. Overthinking vs Analyzing

There are two different approaches to thinking about the decisions you’ll be making. Let’s start with the productive one: analyzing. This is when you actively look for the pros and cons of taking the jump, and for instance, quit your job… In this part of the decision-making process, you’re rationally thinking about the impact that this choice could make in your life, whether it is good, bad or a balance in between. Here’s where you should focus your efforts to make an unbiased choice that will truly get you closer to the person you want to be, and how you want your life to be.

And the negative approach for thinking about a determined situation is overthinking it, this is when you passively let your mind wander around that thing you’re about to do (or not). Overthinking without setting up straightforward and realistic facts can lead to a spiral of worries that will make you anxious through the whole process of decision making, so when you find yourself overthinking, try to actively stop and turn those thoughts into rational arguments for or against the decision you’ll make.

And overthinking is not only when you think about how this could go wrong, it’s also daydreaming about this fantastic outcome without taking the steps needed to make it happen. This is a form of procrastination and in the end self-sabotage.

2. Think about the big picture

It is so easy to feel overwhelmed when you only think about the first few weeks, months, or even years (depending on the size of the decision you’re making) we as humans are averse to changes, and the first steps could be scary, you might feel the urge to go back at some point, but once is done, you will figure out the best way to continue on the path you chose.

It’s important that every decision you make as an adult sums up to the person you want to be in the future, even if it is in a small way. Make sure to have a plan to follow and a contingency strategy just in case something goes wrong.

3. Have confidence in yourself

You can do anything you put your mind and efforts on, there’s always a way. And if you don’t feel confident enough remember the moments when you’ve done amazing things that you didn’t think were possible for you, remember the mindset you had to achieve them, and how good it felt when you got to finish it.

This exercise reinforces your self-esteem, when you believe in yourself amazing things start to happen, give a call to those people who always support you, parents, good friends, and take all that good energy as a kickstart; only you know when you’ll be ready to take that big step, trust your gut!

4. You can always help your kids adapt

Changes are not easy for kids, they feel safe when they recognize a routine, the people around them, and they can predict what will happen next. But life isn’t always a flat line, and whether it is moving to another country, getting a new family member, or as simple as mommy changing her job and schedule you can always help them deal with the stress any of these situations can put on them.

Be open with them, talk about your plans, ask their opinion, make them feel that they are part of the decision-making process, and not just being pulled around “because I’m the adult and that’s just how things are”. Explain in the simplest way the reason why these changes are being made and how they will improve your life as a family in the future.

Depending on their age, children can get clingy to their caregivers when they experiment with big changes in their lives, they might seek attention, and you will have to help them through this, be there for them, and make them feel safe.

5. Remember that a happy mom raises happy kids

Do yourself a favor and follow your heart, trust your instincts, do what makes you happy, even if the change feels like jumping off a cliff. Once you get into action everything will start to click and get into place. Don’t ever put your kids as an excuse to stay at a dreadful job, relationship, or any situation that makes you feel unhappy.

Your kids can adapt to changes, but the impact of being raised by an unhappy or frustrated mom can leave sequels on them for life. Start a new page, make your kids a motivation to become the best version of yourself. Whatever it is you’re about to do, jump in, they’ll follow along, if you’re happy, they will be happy too.

Going back to school after having kids, when is it too late or too early?

 

This post is dedicated to the warrior inside of every woman who becomes a mom.

The doubt, the guilt, the fear of not being able to cope with all of it and have your kids affected, I know exactly what you feel, and I’m writing right now the words I wanted to read 18 months ago when I was crying for guidance, I needed someone to tell me how to do it and if it was possible.

This post right here is the whole reason why I started my blog.

Is it possible to go back to school and pursue your academic goals after having kids? Yes, here are the first steps I took, and the answer to the million-dollar question when can you go back?

 

Ignore the negative talk thrown at you

Be aware that this will happen; in 2020 there are still people who believe that once you become a mother you’ll have to devote your entire waking hours to your kids and home. Some will criticize, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty, you’re not selfish for wanting to grow, improve, and learn.

You’re making an act of love, you’re sacrificing precious time you could spend watching your babies grow, to prepare yourself to have better opportunities and give them a better life; this is selfless instead of selfish as they want you to believe.

Nobody knows what are your deepest motivations to do what you want to do right now, they don’t have to know either; and while it may seem obvious that any kind of improvement you make in your life will have a direct effect on your kids, people don’t see the bigger picture, they just see that now you’re taking 2 hours that you could be out in the park with them to study.

It doesn’t matter what people say, in 5 years it will be you, not them, living the life you are cultivating right now. You reap what you sow. It would be a shame that for second-guessing, and listening to others you get stuck in this cycle of being a perfect mom/wife to their eyes, instead of being the best mom you can be for your kids and feeling happy in the process.

Find support in your family and close friends

One word for courage, a couple of hours of babysitting, a mug of hot coffee, or the dinner served when you get home could be everything you need on a particular day to keep going. Keep close to you those people who want to see you succeed, the ones that are happy for your development, and encourage you to reach your goals.

I’ve been so lucky to have my babies’ daddy support me with all his heart and energy, we’re a great team, we share equal responsibilities, and this is the best scenario for us to grow together as a family and as individuals. If you are lucky enough to have your partner support you let them know how to help you, try to improve your family dynamic in order to have a smooth transition into this new phase of your life.

If dad is not available you can always find another family member willing to support you, especially grandmothers they’re a secret weapon for any new mom, they have gone through it all before you, and are most probably willing to help you out when you need them, so don’t hesitate and talk to your mom or mother in law, schedule some hours so they can help you babysit your kids when you’re out for class.

When is it too early?

Is it possible that your babies are too young for you to be out for long periods? It depends on how you deal with the situation. A healthy attachment forms in the first 18 months of life, it will be crucial for your children’s development.

If the attachment figure is not consistent your baby will be affected, this means if you have a new babysitter every couple of months and you stay out for long periods of time it could have a negative impact on their development.

The key is to have a consistent family dynamic for the children, the caregivers are always the same (preferably you and just 1 more person) and your routine is established, the time you spend with them has to be quality time, focus your whole attention on them.

If this is not possible for you, try online classes or wait until your kids are old enough to sign them up on daycare while you’re working or in class.

I can’t go back to school, my baby is still nursing

I think I could make a whole post for this particular topic, but for now, I’ll tell you it is possible. You don’t have to feel stressed about this. I’ve done it, and it’s not hard to pump milk in a clean and private environment even if it’s not at home. Do your research about Lactation spaces on your campus.

If you can’t find any information related, communicate to Human Resources, if there’s a space provided for lactating employees, it could be available for you too. You could also check for a Lactation room near the campus and take a quick break to pump milk between classes, talk to your teachers about your situation in case you could be late for a class.

What to do before you go to class

Set everything up on time, have anything your babysitter/family member could need at sight and ready to use, diapers, milk, water, your phone number in case you have to come back.

And don’t forget to have your outfit and backpack ready! You know how easy it is to forget about our own stuff when we are about to be away from our babies.

Ideally, you should have everything ready and the person who is going to watch your kids at least 30 minutes before you have to go, this way they can get used to seeing this person (in the case is not daddy or a member of your household) and you can have some mommy time with them, talk to them about why you’re leaving and that you’ll come back soon to have fun with them.

Recharge your positive energy with toddlers hugs, this will get you through the class, my biggest motivation to study are my kids, so these moments for me are very important; I have a 60+ minute ride to get to the campus, and some days I ask myself if it is worth it, you’ll have those days, I promise you it will be worth it, just melt in your kids love to remember why are you doing this.

During class

Try to stay focused, trust that they are being taken care of and have your mind completely into the class you’re attending, take notes, record the teacher in case you’ve lost some note-taking skills, and make the best out of these hours.

Find your study group

Is it sharing a classroom with people a decade younger than you daunting? Maybe you’d feel out of date since they already know each other from Facebook groups, Instagram communities, and who knows what else you have missed for changing diapers instead of networking on social media.

Who cares? Don’t let the first day, or week set you up for discomfort, you’ll find your group. You could say I’m an adult, I don’t need to be part of a group to study, I don’t do well in study groups we never really study when we gather anyway, I’m over that, we’re not on High School anymore.

Let me break this to you… at college, you do need groups, maybe you won’t be hanging out together (you probably don’t have time for that) but what if you miss a class? There’ll be someone you can borrow notes from, to tell you about resources the teacher has mentioned, and ultimately, sharing valuable information is what study groups are for, those are the ones you need to be a part of on higher education.

You’re finally home!

Hug them, kiss them, tell them how much you missed them, tell them about your day even if they don’t understand yet, babies love hearing mama’s voice talking about anything. Ask them about their day, how they felt. Let them know that even now that you’ll be out for some hours nothing will change.

Being a working student mom is not easy, but that moment when you come back home makes everything worth it.

Just as you need to have a routine for bedtime, you have to establish a routine for your study sessions while being at home with the kids, here I wrote a full blog post with the insights of what has worked for me to keep my classes up to date.

Also, make sure you start working on your studying schedule, you could download for free this one I created and read on the most effective way to revise and prepare for your exams.

Your kids: your motivation and strength

Do a visualization exercise, how do you see yourself in 5 years? How do you think your life could improve 10 years from now if you keep working on your degree? What image do you want your kids to have of you?

In my case I see myself pursuing specialization, with a well-balanced career and personal life, reaching financial stability, I want to give my kids the best education possible and inculcating in them the value of knowledge.

Once they understand why is studying so important and how lucky we are to have access to every level of education I hope they feel inspired by their mom’s story, have the study habits not as something painful but instead a rewarding action.

When is it too late?

It’s never too late to go back to school. On my first day of class this year, I realized I wasn’t the only mom in the classroom, there were 3 other moms, between the ages of 30 and 50 starting their careers, I was actually the youngest mom (I was 26 at the moment). So, it’s never too late to reinvent yourself, create new habits, learn new things, learn from your failures because it won’t be all a bed of roses, you’ll fail along the way, but you’ll stand up big and tall and keep going.

You are the only person able to decide whether or not you can take the next step now, most probably your kids will follow along with your routine and they’ll adapt, nobody can tell you it’s too early or too late to pursue your dreams and goals, nobody can tell you you won’t be able to fulfill every role you have to take part on your life.

There are no limits for the human mind when it is focused on a goal, take advantage of it. Go back to school mom, do it for you, do it for your kids, it’s never too late.

8 Tips to Successfully Study with your Kids Around









 

As challenging as getting a degree can be, nothing is more demanding than a baby, when these 2 come together it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and think about leaving your career to focus on raising your kids.

But if you organize your time wisely and train your kids so they understand your study sessions your academic goals are reachable. It is possible to study and raise your kids, many women have done it, you wouldn’t be the first nor the last to do it.

Here I’ll show you simple tips you can implement in your daily routine to be able to study with your kids at home.

This post contains affiliate links, which means I’ll earn a small commission if you buy an item from one of my links, at no cost to you.

 

1. Have your kids’ needs fulfilled first.

Let’s face it, if your toddler is bored he’ll come right away to your legs when you grab the books and pens, those boring stuff can’t get all of mommy’s attention!

So, make sure your babies are fed, clean, not tired, and have their favorite toys around to keep them entertained while you are up to your study sessions.

Also, you’ll have to study in small bricks of time, and give attention to your kids in the breaks. Talk to them and let them know that you’ll have to go back to study and will play with them again in a little while.

This could be a really good thing for both of you, they’ll later understand that you were studying, and it’s a beautiful example to give them.

 

2. Take advantage of Naptime

Ah, the sweet sound of toddlers’ dreams. You’ll have to use these moments of calm to get your best study performance, don’t dwell on planning what to study at this moment, don’t procrastinate “I’ll just check Instagram for 5 minutes” you know they won’t be 5 minutes.

Naptime is your moment to study without interruptions, if you can skip breaks or make them super short it’ll be better, maximize your productive time.

I used to take naptime to clean and thought I’d be able to study after cleaning, but guess what… You’ll always find something else to do!

And when you finally get to sit on the desk naptime is over, and they have energy for hours on!

 

3. Set a schedule and stick to it

As a student and as a mom having a steady routine is essential to achieve your academic goals and have your home in balance.

If you have a big test coming next month don’t wait until the last week to cram up on information! Study a little bit every day, get little study goals to come along the way, as a mom you can’t afford those cramming sessions of 12 hours straight of study!

Plan ahead all the topics you’ll need to cover and tackle each one at small study sessions through the day, it could be 90 minutes before the kids are awake, 60 minutes during naptime, and 90 minutes after they go to bed.

If you are consistent you’ll reach your desired results, play along with the time until you find the most convenient to your family dynamic.

 

4. Make it a habit

Kids love routines, this gives them a sense of safety, make sure they know exactly what to expect from you when you are in a study session. If you always study at the same hour in the same place, having your kids at a safe sight they’ll eventually get used to this habit of yours.

They’ll know that if needed you’ll be there for them and that you are giving your attention to something else for a few hours but between breaks mommy can play along.

5. Set up your almost perfect study environment

Have your desk with everything you need at reach, you have a really small department and don’t actually have a study space? Check out these ideas that could be helpful.

Can’t focus on your study with them running around, laughing, and yelling? You have 2 options, cancel the noise while staying in the room with them at sight, or go to another room and use a baby monitor.

  • Headphones: This is a great alternative if you can study with music, you can control the volume so it is loud enough to blur the noise but soft enough to hear a ‘something’s wrong yell’. My favorites have always been Skullcandy, these are wireless, have a battery life of 24 hours, also are noise canceling, and right now they’re 50% off!

  • Earplugs: you can use these to completely cancel the noise, but you’ll have to make sure to check up on the children with a quick look every once in a while, preferably have someone else at home, to be aware of the kids while playing. Mack’s Dreamgirl are specially designed for women, they’re super soft and at a very low price for the high quality you’ll get.

(image source: amazon.com)

  • Baby Monitor: this is the best option for your kids’ safety when you’re not around, you can have the babies and toddlers at sight from anywhere in your house while focusing on studying. This one is very high quality, what I like the most about it is the 2-way talkback option, you can talk to them if they need something while you’re busy; it’s also very helpful if you’re training your baby to sleep in his room.

6. Have people around to help

You can ask dad to have a day out in the park with the kids once a week, this will give you at least 3 extra hours to focus on studying, if going to the park is not an option, ask him to just play with the kids around the house for a couple of hours so you can study.

If daddy is not available can someone else babysit your kids for 2 hours? A family member? A friend? Or hire a nanny. Make sure you trust this person enough to take the time and unplug from house chores for a bit and just focus on studying.

 

7. Put in some extra work

You knew from day one this wasn’t going to be easy! But I know you have what it takes to achieve it, the simple fact that you’re looking for ways to be able to study with your kids at home is a hint that you have the motivation to do it.

You have to put in the effort, be disciplined; if you used to wake up at 7, now wake up at 5 and have 2 extra hours to study, change the Netflix binge for a study binge when the kids are asleep.

Think about the big picture, you want your degree and this is worth it, you’ll be tired and it will be hard just for 4 years at most, does it look like a lot? Break it down to seasons, 3 months of hard work, and then it is winter break you’ll get some rest.

 

8. Don’t be so hard on yourself

You didn’t get the grade you wanted? It’s fine, the fact that you made it to the exam being a mom/wife plus having a part-time job is a huge victory!

Focus on learning, not on the grades, take this opportunity to prove yourself that you can achieve goals that to others may seem impossible.

People will unintentionally discourage you, I’ve been told I was insane to even try to study, raise my kids and have a part-time job at the same time, that I’d get sick, that I should better wait until the twins were at school to continue my career.

Don’t listen to negative people, only you know your limits and your strengths. Only you know how disciplined you can be.

Be your own cheerleader! Cover your walls with motivational quotes, surround yourself with positive people, listen to inspiring podcasts, whatever ignites your energy to study, stand up when you fall, and keep going.